7 Things

Because I can never pass up a mirror, seven things seen at Scrivenings. (Perhaps somebody will actually ask me to do one of these things. Then I won't feel like such a narcissist.)

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. Finish this book.
2. Go back to Italy.
3. Go sailing in the Carribbean.
4. Live in Europe.
5. Eat a peach.
6. Run for office.
7. Sue somebody.

Seven things I can do.

1. Juggle up to three balls.
2. Faux finish a wall.
3. Not ever stop biking up a hill.
4. Provide decent advice on going to graduate school.
5. Move to a new city at the drop of a hat.
6. Make my mother angry with me in less than 3 minutes on the phone.
7. Make my sister laugh in less than 2 minutes on the phone.

Seven things I can't do.

1. Buy anything without feeling guilty about it.
2. Score a goal when conditions are such that, christ, any idiot could get the ball in the net. Conditions such as: a breakaway with no defenders chasing me; the keeper way off his line and begging to be chipped; a perfect cross with the keeper caught on the wrong post; the keeper down with a broken leg; the keeper dead; nobody else on the field, anywhere and I'm allowed to use my hands.
3. Leave a bar earlier than an hour after I should have.
4. Grade papers within a day or two after receiving them.
5. Write with any consistency.
6. Hear my wife unless she actually yells at me.
7. Distinguish between my wife talking to my daughter and my wife talking to me.

Seven things that attract me to people of the opposite sex:

1. Intelligence
2. Creativity
3. Humor (or at least finding me funny)
4. Fitness
5. Breasts
6. Breasts
7. Breasts

(I may have got distracted on this one)

Seven things I say the most:

1. Ciela, what do you want? I don't understand what you want?
2. Ciela, NO!
3. It's a nation of idiots.
4. What's the plan? (inherited from my father)
5. Crazy-ass baby.
6. I don't know.
7. What? (because I can't hear my wife, remember?)

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Winona Ryder
2. Bob Mould
3. Ani DiFranco
4. Mia Hamm
5. That one actress
6. Her
7. Azure Ray

(I really only develop crushes on people I've met. Except for Miss Ryder. For her, I'd even overlook that unfortunate shoplifting incident.)

UPDATE: Oooh. I forgot Natalie Portman. Is it wrong that I still think of her from "Beautiful Girls"?